German Club Trip!

So I changed my template again because I heard from quite a few people that it wasn't allowing comments, I am working on fixing it now.

So yesterday I went with about 20-30 other kids from my school to Staatskongress (German flag colors!! :) It is basically a competition/event for any German student in Indiana who wants to go. I got to school at 7:20 yesterday morning, and was at Ball State University until about 6:00. I had a lot of fun, and I was with my friend Sara most of the day, and we spoke German (most of) the entire day, it was so much fun!

Well, sorry for the short post, but I need to go help my sister with babysitting our cousins. She has had them for the entire weekend!

Talk to you later :]

Scott

I'm BAaCcKk!

Hello all, we are almost through the week!

So I had a little unintended break from blogging and reading when I realised that my windows 7 trial would be ending the beginning of March (My computer would shut itself off every two hours if I left it as it was) Because I am so cheap ;) I downloaded Ubuntu, a free operating system based on Linux, and am running that now. It took pretty much all of yesterday to set up so I was "off line" for a day. I missed you all so much and I got caught up on most of your posts, but if I missed yours, how are you doing? I can't wait to get back into the swing of things!

Well, onto today's news, I got my collage finished. I guess it isn't really a collage (I wrote all of it) but maybe more of just generic art, or something like that...

Anyway, here it is




To me, it represents all of the thoughts that have helped me through my recovery and inspirational words. I have awful block writing, and cursive isn't great either, but hey it's the thought that counts right? ;]

Here is yesterday morning's breakfast. I made banana oats with dark chocolate dreams PB and some added unsweetened coco powder with a bit of honey drizzled on top with peanuts. Yummy!
My mom is making dinner now, which we call "mush" It is hash browns with veggies and eggs. My sister came up with the name because it kinda looks like mush when it is done :)

I left this on my computer while I went to my band concert and forgot to post! It went pretty well, about as I expected

Have a great Friday!

Scott

Tuesday 23 Feb 2010

Happy Tuesday of NEDA week!

So the rest of my day yesterday went smoothly thank goodness. They gave me some Benadryl, so by like 9:30 I was dead tired.

Unfortunately, I haven't made any more progress on my collage. I feel weird working on it in school, and I am so busy after school. Nobody at school knows about my ED and I don't know if I want them to. I have thought about telling some close friends about it, but i always chicken out. I don't want to be labeled as "the anorexic" but at the same time, I don't want to feel like I am keeping a secret from everyone. I am not embarrassed by it... I dunno... :/ I have a whole week to get the collage finished, so I know I will get it done :)

Onto my eats for today! I had un-pictured frozen berry oats with spiced pecans. It was so colorful, I wish I could share it with you! Snack followed with trail mix and lunch was leftover chili. I love leftover chili, it seems to get better with age ;) It had the perfect amount of heat. Dinner tonight (after getting home from my training class at the bike shop, which was good, I did another time trial and I will post the numbers tomorrow. Too tired tonight!) was an amylou apple and gouda chicken sausage from costco. Love these things!

Sorry about the lack of pics here^^ But i redeemed myself with my night snack :] I had Yoplait greek yogurt! I had no idea they made this, but it was pretty good. Not as good as Fage, but a lot cheaper. I also got Dannon greek while at the grocery on sunday, so we will see! I had the plain variety with honey, almonds, a banana (no pic) and granola. As my dad would say, it "hit the spot" :)

Before toppings

And after! (sans banana)

So that was my day.

Promise to make tomorrow a wonderful day and I will too!

Scott

NEDA week and Anaphylactic shock

Hello everybody :)

Well as you know, today is the beginning of NEDA Eating Disorder Awareness Week. I am drawing a collage around that symbol up there ^^ and I will share it with you at the end of the week! What are you doing for the week, and what are your thoughts?

So to explain the rest of my post title, I went to the allergist after school today and was fine. I got my shot (and talked to the nice nurse, telling her I had a pretty boring day), and waited the normal 30 minutes to make sure i don't get a reaction. When I was about to leave, I started itching everywhere and then when I went in to get cleared to leave, my throat started feeling weird. I didn't feel awful, but they brought me into an exam room, and by the time I got there I felt like I could barely breathe! So they gave me a shot of adrenaline, and oh my is it crazy! In like 2 seconds, I felt my heart beating like crazy. I thought it was going to jump onto the table! Then she said I was getting pale and faint looking so they laid me down and put my legs above my head. They took my pulse and it was 178 bpm! And then my blood pressure was at 140 over something... WOW Then you get all shaky and stuff, it is sooo weird. No worries though, I am fine now, but my plans to work out at the bike shop were spoiled ;) I'm not complaining though :) So now I am the proud owner of an epi-pen! Just in case it happens again :/

Well, then I got home to eat dinner. My dad prepared pork chops in the crock pot (as per mom's instructions) and it turned out really well. I cooked up some rice and my mom made veggies to go with it. Pretty much of a team effort I guess right? ;]

Well that is pretty much it! Hope you all have a great tuesday!

Scott

Wash out

So, my plans for a ride outdoors this morning were washed out by the rain :/ My parents went, but I figured I might as well ride in the basement instead...

I hate it how whenever I make a decision to do anything, I am constantly thinking about how the other decision would have been better. Today, I wish I had gone with my parents riding, but I know that if I did, I would be miserable and wish I had stayed here. I don't know, I guess I am just a really indecisive person.

So I rode the bike in the basement, and felt ok, but stopped after about a half an hour because I was tired. Recently, I have not had to deal with ED's condescending voice, but today he came back shouting :( I felt so awful for not being able to ride for longer. I felt like since I had an easier workout yesterday, so I should be able to go harder today. It seems as though once ED gets a word out and I hear it, he just won't shut up! Then I kept feeling like I have gained too much weight and bla bla bla... I resisted the temptation to step on the scale when I went up stairs to get a shower, and had a nice snack of an Asian pair with some cereal and nuts instead :)

Then I sat down with a nice macchiatto with coffee roasted by my dad (thanks dad!) and read all of your wonderful posts and now I feel so much better :D *thanks everybody*

My macchiatto, isn't it pretty?

So that's about it for this morning, no interesting oats so I kinda miss that :( maybe for lunch? And I am going to small group for church today so I can't wait!

Have a great Sunday!

Scott

Saturday :)

Hope you are all having a nice Saturday evening :]

So, this afternoon, I helped my dad with replacing the hoses on our car. We had planned on going on a ride, but the snow ruled that out :/

So the car took way longer than I expected, and before I knew it I had to go up to church to work at the cafe. I arrived and saw to my surprise, a new grinder! :D A brand new mazzer luigi, Love <3

The best espresso I have made at the cafe to date!

So that was my big surprise of the day, and it was good for me :)

Then the church service was amazing. I know it's probably annoying that I say this all the time, but I have recently just loved the services and I feel like I am learning so much!

Tonight was focused on 2 Samuel 22. It talks about how david had so much faith, even in

times of struggle. Our pastor talked about how we can learn to embrace God, even

when it feels like he is nowhere to be found in our lives. I will try to get the audio file and

post it, because it was so insightful, and i think it would help anyone struggling with anything

in their lives.

So tomorrow, I plan on riding my bike outside :0 I hope I can remember how ;] I will let you know

Have a wonderful saturday night!

Scott

Almost Friday! - 17. Feb. 2010

Hello everyone, and happy Thursday! I wanted to comment on all your blogs and post last night, but I didn't get home from church until 8:45 (more on that later) So I printed out my reader and tried to read your posts in bed last night, so I think I got through most of them and commented as much as I could today.

Well, yesterday was a pretty good day. I got home and my dad was home from an interview at a new company, and it went really well! YAYY :) and of course the highlight of my night was church, so here is a quick recap...

Last night was all about sharing experiences from the retreat that was last weekend. I couldn't go on the retreat :( Anyways, a lot of people shared how they were able to find themselves over the weekend and embrace the people they are. One comment that stuck out to me was that no matter what you are going through, there is a reason. The speaker at the retreat was the same one who came two weeks ago here, and he as been through so much and has such an authentic relationship with god. I look up to him so much for this. This identity series has made me realize that god wants to use me for something, with all of my imperfections and quarks. i guess I already knew this, but now I really understand it and know that it is not just for everyone else, but for me too! I don't know what my purpose is yet, but the only way for me to find out is by learning to understand God more. I am dumbfounded by how god can bring this message to me in the exact right time in my life.

So, a pretty short post tonight (sorry for the lack of photography) but I needed to share that with you all :)

Have a Great Friday!!

I am praying for ya' :]

Scott

Tuesday 16 Feb

Happy Tuesday ;)

I hope all of you had a great weekend, did you all have yesterday off for president's day? I had a nice relaxing weekend. I got to see both of my Grandmothers, and went out to dinner and coffee with them, as I told you on Saturday.

First, I'll get you caught up on the rest of my weekend. This is a picture of my fence in front of my house. I took it on my way out the door to catch the bus. It was so cold, the water crystalized! :0

And here is a picture of my pathetic dog laying on my dad. She is so modest ;]

On to today... I was hoping for a delayed start to school today, but that wasn't in the cards :/ SO I started my day with a bowl of oats in a jar! I had banana oats in an almost gone jar of Almond Naturally More (next to my Velonews magazine! great article on the American junior progam in Belgium...)

I took a math test first period, and it was ok but her tests are always hard :( I was rewarded with an extremley easy end to my day ;] I watched the beginning of A Beautiful Mind in health class today. It is such a great movie. We are just to the part where he gets into treatment, so everything is starting to come togeather.



The rest of my day was SOOO fast... Allergy shots, home, change, drive to the bike shop, workout, drive home, shower and eat. It seemed to go that fast too!



So, for dinner was a Kashi Mayan Harvest Bake I didn't take a picture, so here is one from their site ;) I will say that it did look pretty much like that and was delish! I loved the plantains :)

So that is pretty much all for today, but i have church tomorrow and I can't wait to tell you all about it!

Lets make tomorrow a great day :)

Scott

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines day out there!

I just got back from Cincinnati and went to a swap meet for our bike club. Sold some stuff, didn't buy much, so I guess a successful trip :/

I just wanted to reflect a bit on Valentines day. I don't know about all of you out there, but I feel like valentines day is more than just a "couples holiday" Valentines day, for me at least, makes me so thankful of all of my friends and family. I am so thankful to have my family and friends here to support me and always make my day the best it can be. I am also really thankful for all of my friendship with my fellow bloggers, you ;) I can identify so much with all of you and it is so wonderful to be able to put my thoughts down (granted, they may be kinda random;) and I know you will understand. And when I read your posts, I always get questions in my own mind and it really helps me to take a step back and look at my actions from a different prospective. You are all so non judgemental and kind, so thank you all so much <3

So, not much more to say today, except for GO USA!!! don't you all love the olympics? My favorite events are the speedskating. What are yours?

Hello out there :) posting from my phone cause I am in cincinnati with the fam. Just ad to post this pic. It is a flag on our way in to the resturaunt for lunch. Isn't it crazy!? So short post today, but just wanted to share that picture and to tell you the shortened form of my day.
So I drove here with my family and my two little cousins. Suprisingly, they were very well behaved! Then we took out both my grandmas to lunch at an italian place. For some reason I was more nervos ordering, but I split a pasta with my mom. They even had whole whea pasta! So I felt a bit guilty about eating all of my half of the dish, because my grandma got the same thing and she coldn't finish it. I know it isn't compareable, so whatev :/ Bottom line is it tasted great and i enjoyed it :) Then we went to a coffee shop and I had an espresso and bought some more green beans. So a good day overall, had a great time with the family :)

Wednesday 10-feb-2010

Hello all :)

Today we had a two hour delay at school, so I got a relaxing morning with my dad again! But before I tell you about today, I want to tell you about the funniest thing that happened last night. So I was going to bed after watching 24 (love that show!) and I saw that my neighbor was shoveling her driveway at 10:15 at night, and more snow was coming :0 She is crazy! So I thought hmmm... I got my laser pointer and I pointed it right in front of her shovel and she saw it :0 she looked around like it was an alien, then I ran away laughing and when I came back she was gone ;] Sorry, I guess I was a bit mean, but I couldn't resist, and it was pretty funny!

On to today. As I said, we had a two hour delay, and I had a nice morning :} <-- a new smiley for me! Back to today, I got to school and I was a bit upset because I found out I had to eat lunch at 11:00. This after I ate breakfast at 8:00. What ?! I am proud of myself though, because I dealt with it, and I just moved my snack back to after lunch. It worked well for me. My school day was uneventful, but church was AMAZING! Tonight was about how we are God's work of art. We talked about how God is like the master artist, who already has the picture in his mind before he paints it. He has our lives planned out, the entire thing, and our maturing is us finding out what his plan for us is. This is really comforting to me, because it shows me that there is a reason that we go through everything we go through. Without our experiences in life, we would never be able to fulfill God's plan for our lives. We heard from a man with a chronic nerve disease, and about how it changed his life forever. He talked about how if he had never gotten this disease, he would never be able to connect with god or others the way he does today. Sure, it is a struggle to go through a lot of these things, but without them, we aren't what god wants us to be, and if we aren't that than what are we? It was an awesome message, and I am so extremely happy that I was there to hear it =)

So that was my day :) hope you had a great day as well!

Scott

Snow Day!!

Hello fellow bloggers, and happy tuesday :)

I woke up this morning when my dad came into my room to turn off my alarm and tell me we have a snow day! I am so happy, and hopefully I will be able to get caught up on some homework. :/

I also wanted to say hello to my sister and parents, who are now reading my blog :) glad you like it ;]

I guess I should tell you all about my weekend, right? Well on saturday, I didn't do much until church, and I went and ran the espresso machine for about 3 hours. That is all normal, but then I was informed that there was nobody to work sunday morning, so I said I would. I got there and there were only two of us there total! Normally we have about 3 or 4 to run smoothly. Long story short, we were super busy, and my arm hurt from pulling so many shots ;] I had a lot of fun though. Next I talked to Pascal, my friend and exchange student in Germany, and I am so excited for this summer when I go there! I asked him if it would be okay if my sister stayed with us for about a week, because she is going to be on a study abroad trip in Denmark that ends a week before my trip does. He said it was fine :) Then he told me that his girlfriend would be having and exchange student from Spain the same time I am there, so we will have 5 people, from three different countries, together at the same time! I am so looking forward to it :) In case any of you are curious, that is "Ich freue mich viel daran!" In German ;]

After that I went to an indoor ride at my coach's house, which was fun because there were three other kids my age there. All in all, a great weekend, and it went fast like all weekends do :/

Hope all of you are having a great week, how is the weather where you are?

Scott

P.S. How do you like my new template?

Relaxing day

Today I had a nice relaxing day. Last night I was sitting on the couch and I asked my mom "This is Thursday right?" then I realized it was Friday and I didn't have to go to school the next day, I was so excited!

So all day while I was in school yesterday, it snowed like crazy. By the time I got home, the wind was so bad it was like a white out! So I snowblowed the driveway and waited for my mom to get home. She couldn't even get up the driveway after I cleared it!

It kept snowing so I waited until this morning to do anything else, and the drifts were like really tall. I know, it probably wasn't anything compared to what a lot of you in new york are getting, but it was big for Indianapolis :)

A picture from the news

So I woke up at like 7:30 and watched tv and had muesilli. I didn't get a pic because it was kinda ugly. I just made in the last of my yogurt carton ;] Then I made a coffee with my dad (french press today) with the coffee I roasted yesterday. It was pretty good, for a first attemt I think ;]

Tried to ride the trainer (indoor bike) but I wasn't really feelin' it so I stopped. Then I got in a good session of Solar Flow yoga from yoga download

Then ran the espresso machine at church, went to the service (which was about infidelity in mairrage, so not really relevant to me :/ ) and then I came home and had dinner my mom made. Pretty slow and relaxing day, got some homework done so it is all good:]

Hope all of you out there had a GREAT Saturday!

Scott

COFFEE ROASTING

So, I wanted to put this in a different post, but today I roasted my first batch of coffee!

Here is a pic of the beans with the "roaster" A.K.A popcorn popper :)

the green ones are normal beans, and the darker ones are decaf for my mom. They turn a different color from processing.

And here is a pic of the final product

Pretty good for a final first roast no? : ]

Not much in the mood for a food post today, so that is it. Hope you all have a great weekend and stay safe, it is like a blizzard here!

Scott

About my past...

I just read Killian's post yesterday, and It was a very touching story. After reading, I realized I have never really put my story out there on my blog, so I will do that today.

**Please do not read this if you think that it may be triggering. That is not my goal at all. I just think it will help you to get to know me better**

It is hard to really pinpoint when I first started struggling with ED, but looking back, I think it was the spring break of 8th grade year. I used to have a very limited diet of basically junk food. The only vegetables I would eat were corn and carrots. All this changed on this spring break when I went to visit my sister at Purdue (it was her freshman year.) I found so many food possiblities in the food court, and I had started to want to eat more healthfully because I had just started racing my bicycle, and I knew that the best power to weight ratio always wins. So I tried a stir fry there and I loved it, and I guess it just all went downhill from there.

It started as a "Healthy change" I stopped eating crackers after school, started to not want cheese on my sandwiches, and put less butter on things, etc. I think when I started to see the weight go down, I was happy because I had control over it. You see, I wasn't ever really popular in school, and I guess this was a way for me to have something that seemed unique to me at the time.

Then, in a never ending quest to become faster, I cut down on what I ate, while increasing my time on the bike. I became more and more discouraged as I continued to loose strength. Eventually, my parents noticed I was not healthy. I guess at that point, I didn't even know what was wrong, because I was convinced as they were that this was an accident. I was just expending too many calories and not replacing them. I got on a gain weight diet then, and I started to weigh and log my food, probably because I have read that that is what some pro cyclists do. I told my parents that it was so that I would be able to make sure I was getting in enough each day. This was my freshman year, and I was so engaulphed in my ED at this point, I could only think about what bar to have for a snack, and weighing my food as I packed it for lunch.

My problems came to a climax when I went on a family vacation in Hilton Head island in South Carolinia. Being with my parents and sister 24/7 they realized something was definatley wrong with me. I was so worried about what food I would eat when out at resturaunts, and all the typical ED stuff.

Shortly after this vacation, my wonderful sister found the name of a psycologist, and pushed my parents to take me there. She was the one person who I consider responsible for starting my recovery, by not taking no for an answer.

So I went to the first appointment, and after explaining my symptoms, Dr. H. said that I probably had an ED. We scheduled for once a week, and we left. When I got in the car with my mom, I said to her how I could never have imagined that I could have an eating disorder. I mean, I am a guy, and that just doesn't happen right? But then I thought about the appointment, and I realized that I matched all of the symptoms that she was talking about to a T.

There began my journey towards recovery. We met with a nutritionist and with a new GP to prescribe meds. I am sure all of you know this process, so I don't need to elaborate. I am lucky to have never had to go to IP. I was able to, with the unconditional support of my family and doctors, get to recovery.

Now, looking back on my journey from the other side, it is easy for me to see what happened, but I still struggle to answer the question of where it all started. This year, I have "graduated" from my therapist, with the caution that I must keep an eye on my weight, as ED can come back with a vengence in times of stress.

Now this year in school, people who didn't even know what was wrong with me were telling me that I talk so much now, and asked me why I was so quiet freshman year. It is so amazing to me, because I never even realized at the time that i wasn't talking. I was just in my own little world, of food :(

so now here are a few pretty recent pictures of me, I like to say "The new me"

me and Pascal, my friend and exchange

student from Germany. Can't wait to GO THERE!!!

My back, for some team sponsorship. GO MOB!

And finally, a pic of me racing in Ohio

So now you know more about me, at least what I was. I guess you can find out who I am right along with me! :)

Have a great weekend!

Scott

I missed national Carrot cake day :(

So I just got finished reading Maya's and Eliza's posts that today was national carrot cake day, which means I missed it :( I did eat a carrot with lunch though, so that has to count for something... ;)

Anyways, today went smoothly. I had school :/ again, as well as a doctors appt. I guess I will start from the beginning...

I woke up and made some oats with an Asian pear (which I guess is like a blend between an apple and a pear) and Naturally More almond butter. I really need to make some home made nut butters like my new blog friend Killian...

So the beginning of my day was just routine, got to see my &$(#*&% math teacher again today, YAY ME :/ she is just so disrespectful I cannot stand it.

Second period went well. We started talking about how the brain works and it is really fascinating. I was afraid about talking about my ED, but we didn't even discuss disorders today, so I was quite relieved.

Than I went to the doctor, and it took forever but I really like my doctor so it was ok. Anyway, she wants me to keep the "happy pills" at the same dose for another 3 months before she even thinks of backing off at all, which is fine with me because I don't get any side effects.

Dinner was just leftovers, so nothing to share there. Sorry :/ But then I went to church and it was awesome! Today we continued the identity series about discovering who we are. Today was about the fact that we are not our past. I really loved this message, because it reminds me that I am not my ED, I am Scott and I am what God wants me to be. We had a response time after the message, and I hesitated until the very end, but I finally did it. You could go into a room and say to a camera, "I am not (blank)" So I finally went in and said "I am not my eating Disorder" Like I said, I struggled with it, but I feel like it gives me accountability to stay where I am now and not to relapse.

Great day today and only two more to go until the weekend!

Make tomorrow a great one!

Scott

Hello friends, happy Tuesday!

First of all, I just wanted to share some blogs I stumbled across with all of you.

First I found Killian's blog (sorry if that isn't your name, I got it from your profile ;]) It is so refreshing to find another guy out there in the blog community. Then from his most recent post, I found Devan's blog. She could really use all of your thoughts and prayers...

So, today I had school again ;] can't seem to get used to it! No really, today was fine. I got all of my project in engineering done, and I had a study session for German and some time to do math homework, so It was all good. Sorry to complain about math on every post, but I have worked on this stuff for like a total of 2 hours, and I still have a lot left! I should get to that... ;]

Only two pictures today...Oats In A Jar!! This was great, except the PB wasn't the best ever, but oh well.

The rest of my eats today were pretty random. I had a sandwich for lunch, with a clementine and some pretzels, and a nature valley bar for a little snack.

When I got home, I had a bowl of cereal, I think this was a first for me! And then I headed to my spin class. It was SOOOO hard! We had some longer intervals of vo2 max power. bike geek talk ;]

Dinner was a bit different. Okay just outright wierd! I had a bowl of organic tomato soup, some crackers in it, a local bakery roll, edamame, and a glass of milk. Why? Don't know. I can eat some pretty wierd things after a ride ;]

A bit worried about the discussion tomorrow, but I think I will find the strength to speak about my ED if I feel I need to

So overall a great day, and from what I've read, it sounds like most of you had awesome days as well!

Lets make tomorrow wonderful sound good?

Scott

Monday already?

Hello my friends ;] hope you are having a good Monday!

First of all I just wanted to thank all of you sooooooo much for all of your comments. They are always so uplifting and helpful, so thank you so much! :] I am so thankful I have found this blogging community full of all you wonderful people!

Well today went pretty well for me, except it was kinda one of those days where it seemed to go fast while you were there, but you can hardly remember what you did in the morning. Have you had days like that?

So today I had health class, and I don't know if I mentioned it before, but my teacher, Ms. G, is SOOO cool! She is really down to earth and understands teenagers really well. I love it when teachers understand that they need to give you respect to receive it themselves. This is where my math teacher fails, but that is a different story... ;p

Anyways, back to my health class. We didn't do much today because we had a mini test. She did talk to us about what we would be doing on Wednesday, we are discussing mental health. I read thorough the chapter, and It is all about mental illness, and disorders. It includes a section on ED. We always have a discussion in class, and she said she especially wants to discuss this chapter, so I know that will be most of what we do on Wednesday. The reason I am telling you all of this is that I am anxious about sharing my experience with the class. I am not sure if I am ready for that, because I have never told anybody but my immediate family about my ED. I feel like I could contribute a lot to the discussion, but I think it will be hard to speak about. Have any of you shared your experiences about ED with classmates? Do you have any advice?

Well, that was pretty much my day, somewhat boring, but it is what it is!

Sorry, no pics today, feeling a bit lazy and rushed. I really should have gotten a picture of my dinner, it was so colorful. Pasta with mixed veggies and a ton of sauteed carrots. Hopefully I will get a snack pic.

Have a Terrific Tuesday!

Scott