About my past...

I just read Killian's post yesterday, and It was a very touching story. After reading, I realized I have never really put my story out there on my blog, so I will do that today.

**Please do not read this if you think that it may be triggering. That is not my goal at all. I just think it will help you to get to know me better**

It is hard to really pinpoint when I first started struggling with ED, but looking back, I think it was the spring break of 8th grade year. I used to have a very limited diet of basically junk food. The only vegetables I would eat were corn and carrots. All this changed on this spring break when I went to visit my sister at Purdue (it was her freshman year.) I found so many food possiblities in the food court, and I had started to want to eat more healthfully because I had just started racing my bicycle, and I knew that the best power to weight ratio always wins. So I tried a stir fry there and I loved it, and I guess it just all went downhill from there.

It started as a "Healthy change" I stopped eating crackers after school, started to not want cheese on my sandwiches, and put less butter on things, etc. I think when I started to see the weight go down, I was happy because I had control over it. You see, I wasn't ever really popular in school, and I guess this was a way for me to have something that seemed unique to me at the time.

Then, in a never ending quest to become faster, I cut down on what I ate, while increasing my time on the bike. I became more and more discouraged as I continued to loose strength. Eventually, my parents noticed I was not healthy. I guess at that point, I didn't even know what was wrong, because I was convinced as they were that this was an accident. I was just expending too many calories and not replacing them. I got on a gain weight diet then, and I started to weigh and log my food, probably because I have read that that is what some pro cyclists do. I told my parents that it was so that I would be able to make sure I was getting in enough each day. This was my freshman year, and I was so engaulphed in my ED at this point, I could only think about what bar to have for a snack, and weighing my food as I packed it for lunch.

My problems came to a climax when I went on a family vacation in Hilton Head island in South Carolinia. Being with my parents and sister 24/7 they realized something was definatley wrong with me. I was so worried about what food I would eat when out at resturaunts, and all the typical ED stuff.

Shortly after this vacation, my wonderful sister found the name of a psycologist, and pushed my parents to take me there. She was the one person who I consider responsible for starting my recovery, by not taking no for an answer.

So I went to the first appointment, and after explaining my symptoms, Dr. H. said that I probably had an ED. We scheduled for once a week, and we left. When I got in the car with my mom, I said to her how I could never have imagined that I could have an eating disorder. I mean, I am a guy, and that just doesn't happen right? But then I thought about the appointment, and I realized that I matched all of the symptoms that she was talking about to a T.

There began my journey towards recovery. We met with a nutritionist and with a new GP to prescribe meds. I am sure all of you know this process, so I don't need to elaborate. I am lucky to have never had to go to IP. I was able to, with the unconditional support of my family and doctors, get to recovery.

Now, looking back on my journey from the other side, it is easy for me to see what happened, but I still struggle to answer the question of where it all started. This year, I have "graduated" from my therapist, with the caution that I must keep an eye on my weight, as ED can come back with a vengence in times of stress.

Now this year in school, people who didn't even know what was wrong with me were telling me that I talk so much now, and asked me why I was so quiet freshman year. It is so amazing to me, because I never even realized at the time that i wasn't talking. I was just in my own little world, of food :(

so now here are a few pretty recent pictures of me, I like to say "The new me"

me and Pascal, my friend and exchange

student from Germany. Can't wait to GO THERE!!!

My back, for some team sponsorship. GO MOB!

And finally, a pic of me racing in Ohio

So now you know more about me, at least what I was. I guess you can find out who I am right along with me! :)

Have a great weekend!

Scott